Sunday, February 20, 2011

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6





So, for the past couple of weeks I have been soul searching and praying about what our next steps should be. We have 7 frozen embryos from our recent fresh IVF cycle, which ended in my 5th consecutive miscarriage. We also have two frozen embryos from a previous fresh IVF cycle done last year, so that's a total of 9 frozen embryos. In my heart of hearts I can tell you I am tired of going through miscarriage after miscarriage. They are physically and emotionally taxing on the body. In my heart of hearts I can tell you Brian and I are realists and as we are about to kiss our mid thirties good-bye we know that we are truly blessed to have these embryos that have been frozen at the blastocyst stage.

Brian has told me that he feels my pain and can't stand watching me go through loss after loss. I have the option of going through an FET here in the USA, but why? The last FET I did last May ended in miscarriage after two strong betas. I know that anything can happen and miracles do happen but, I have decided to listen to my body for now. I have decided to step out on FAITH and pursue Gestational Surrogacy in India.

Does this mean that as a woman I don't want to experience pregnancy? Of course not. Is it the end of the world if I don't? Absolutely not!! What is most important is becoming a parent whether our embryos grow in my womb or in my heart. Since my body keeps rejecting my own tissue, in the future I have the option of pursuing Donor Eggs (where the eggs of a younger fertile woman and Brian's sperm are transferred into my womb) to experience pregnancy up until the age of 55. At this point in our lives, Brian and I realize and both strongly agree that Gestational Surrogacy is going to give us the best option of trying to have a biological child.

I believe God has placed a desire in my heart to have children. I believe I will have children although it may not be the way that I planned. Lord knows I did not plan on pursuing Gestational Surrogacy in India. When one door closes I believe another door opens. I have contacted Greg from Core Cryo Labs and he was very prompt and detailed with his response. I know with him my snow babies will be in good hands. I have an appointment with my Fertility Dr. to discuss my next steps and I am going to tell him I am stepping out on FAITH through a new door, a new door of opportunity in India....

11 comments:

  1. Cannot begin to say how I know how you feel because it's not something that us men can experience....Howevever, I wish you all the best in whatever decision you make and may your faith lead you to joy!

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  2. Thanks so much guys! I hope those 2 cuties of yours are doing well :)

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  3. Your post resinates loudly! Not many of us planned on using a surrogate, nevermind in India. The best part is that thie gives you hope. You can fulfill your dreams in India, somehow, you will get there.

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  4. Thanks Kerrie you are proof of that ;)

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  5. Best of luck with your plans. You will follow the path thats meant to be. Look forward to hearing your good news in the near future. SJ xx

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  6. Making the decision is often the toughest part. Keep the hope alive!

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  7. Keep the faith. Everything happens for a reason, I strongly believe that! Soon your time with come and we will all be cheering from the side lines. :)

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  8. Faith is a very powerful motivator, friend, and light.
    Best of all things as you step into this unplanned path on your journey!

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  9. Best wishes to you. Nine blast embryos is so good! We'll be following.
    K

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  10. Thank you for sharing your experiences of surrogacy!
    Help us to promote awareness of surrogacy through World Surrogacy Day on 4th November 2011...
    http://world-surrogacy-day.org

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  11. I understand completely how you feel. While doctors have been unable to figure out why I can't carry a pregnancy, and don't really see a reason why I shouldn't be able to, I am exhausted from the miscarriages. Deciding to use a surrogate has allowed me to become hopeful and positive again. Best of luck!

    Bernadette

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